January 11, 1918 - March 16, 2020
It was exactly twenty (20) years ago, same day today, March 16, 2000 when Lolo left us. I can vividly recall when he passed away. I visited him in the hospital in the evening of Wednesday, March 15, 2000. He was confined at V.L. Makabali Hospital in San Fernando Pampanga. He was suffering from asthma because during his younger days, he was a chain smoker. He just finished grade 1 and he just know how to read and write. This person even if not that educated, he is my role model for "hardwork and honesty."
It was 10:00 PM of March 15, 2000 when I last saw him alive, he was so sad when I looked at him. I know that he was feeling weak because of the many medicines going to his veins. He had this expensive milk full of nutrients so that even if he was not eating well, his body can cope up with the other medicines. I saw his arms swelling, I kept on controlling the tears flowing on my cheeks because I don't want him to see me sad. I stayed for a while near him because it seems that it was just hours away that he will leave us. We went home early that time because I still had a class the following day.
At 3:00 AM, Lolo had fever and a few minutes later, he passed away. I received the painful news at home, I cannot hold back my tears and sobbing and asking God, why? I thought of my grandmother, Apung Julia, my God, how will she take it? She is already 80 years old that time. It will be difficult for her to accept that her husband already left her. We approached her and she has already this gut feel that Lolo passed away. Upon recognizing our sad and teary eyes, she started crying. All she can say, "Ando, Ando, Asawa ko.. Ginu ku, kasakit.." That was the first time that I saw my grandmother crying in pain because of the death of her loving and supportive husband.
When Lolo was already in the casket, I cannot go near him because I was so afraid of the bright lights and coffin. I often associated caskets to aswang and other elementals. After two (2) days, I was encouraged by my cousins to go near him and touch his coffin to lose my fear. I saw him lying peacefully, and I started again to cry and I hugged my Lola.
One reason why I looked up this man as a person of hardwork and integrity because, my grandmother often told me that even if in the lowest point of their lives of not having something to eat, Lolo will never attempt to steal from others. He will rather eat rice with salt than steal. He worked hard to provide a living for his family. He will wake up early, tend the carabao and go to the mountains to get some woods for his plants. That's how hardworking he was.
The death of my Lolo, was my first blow in life. It was so difficult to accept that I can no longer see and hug him. I can no longer accompany him to the barber shop nearby and have our haircut together. I recalled, when I don't have yet a tribike, he will fetch me at home and we will have haircut together, when the sun is still up, he will break a branch of a tree to cover me from the heat of the sun. If I will put my hand in one of his pockets, he has a candy for me. Oh Dear God, these memories are still fresh, it is as if this happened just few months ago. The most painful was, I never had a chance to give him the good life that I have now, I can never say, "Apo, nung balu mu mu kaluguran daka, Dakal salamat king lingap at lugud mu kanaku. Edaka kalingwan, deng maging apu mu kanaku, tingalan daka at lawen na ika ing great grandfather da, Saddi la uling keka." On your 20th death anniversary Apo, I wrote this to honor you as the grandfather who have a big space and part of me. Please hug, Apung Julia. I know in many days, you will visit me in my dreams and will continue to guide me. Please pray for me always, I love you so much.